I’ve a communication issue to resolve…

It’s been pointed out to me, that my communication style is somewhat argumentative.  This goes against my previous belief about myself that I’m not that combative, rather placid and easygoing in my communications.

I tend to like to choose words with care, and am very aware of what power they have… I love e-mail for this very reaons, I can pick and chose the words that come out of my fingers, go back ans revise, shape and hone them, so that they deliver 100% of my intent correctly

I’ve never been good at “on-the-fly-demand-of-me” type conversation – as a listener, I’m generally nodding and making encoraging noises to people.  When I have to speak about me an myself, I tend to leave gaps in my speech flow as I search for the correct words, that more talkative people want to fill with their own words.

So, to be labled as “argumentative”? The whole concept was puzzling to me. 

In the last few months, I’ve felt that I wasn’t receiving communication from the people I care about because of their styles conflicting with mine, or that they simply didn’t want to discuss with me the issues I needed information about… as we would start the conversation, then we’d seemingly tangent/get diverted, and the conversation would abruptly stop, usually with either silence and/or anger being directed at me by the other person.

However,  why this behaviour from others is occuring was both (finally!) described and then very blatently demonstrated to me last night.

It really shocked me that I’ve got such a negative and combative trigger programmed in my communication style when I’m seeking understanding or clarifications on points… That I’m the one derailing the conversations, and either turning them into a pedantic argument about the meaning of a word, or leaping in with a defensive or corrective comment to the other person, usually before the sentence is completely out of their mouth.

I have to resolve this issue, it’s ruining my relationship with T.  As yet, I’ve not a clue how to start though…

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