Politically correct seasonal wishes…

I wanted to send you a holiday greeting, but it is so difficult in today’s world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met with my lawyer yesterday, and on his advice I wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally-conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter holiday, practised with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practises of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that Britain is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.

3 thoughts on “Politically correct seasonal wishes…”

  1. Thank you for this, you really made me laugh.
    Quite an accomplishment when I am gritting my teeth to shattering point at the behaviour of two of my over additived(?) over excited offspring. I am off to start on the Baileys and then print this out for my beloved who is a sweet man who would not willingly insult anyone and who is bemused and bewildered by the invasion of Christmas by so much political correctness that he is wondering wether to say “Happy Christmas” any more.
    Enjoy the hols. That OK?
    Love
    Sal xxx

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