Am I a heartless bitch?

My News is that Granddad is in Hospital with Renal Failure. One Kidney totally gone apparently, but the other seemingly fighting fit! Mum called me Friday morning, said he was at death’s door, and I should make time to go see him over the weekend, as he probably wasn’t going to be here for much longer…

Mum sounded really really nervous, she seen him Thursday, and he was all pale, grey and horrid looking… so I took Friday off (As you would!) to calm her down, and go see him. “All good”, I think, “at last, he is going to stop suffering, and my Mum can get on with life again.”

But oh, no! They had operated to put in a nephrostomy tube straight from his working Kidney out to a bag (As this Kidney’s Ureter is blocked down to the bladder) on Thursday night, and when I got there, The Bastard was so much better, bossing us about, and generally being as curmudgeonly as he normally is.

He is really really frail though. The Catheter bag from his Bladder is full of blood 🙁

His Kidney function is fantastic though, so they are putting a Stent from the Kidney to the Bladder on Tuesday, and then he can come home.

I’m so in two minds about that being a good thing. Mum is effectivly his slave right now, which is so not a good thing. She got made redundant January, and instead of finding a new job, so that she can pay her bills, and live life, she has been forced into becoming his full time carer (On a supposed £45/w from the Government… How’s that for a travesty! Less that £2.00 an hour!) and using her redundancy to fund her bills!

He’s been dying by degrees for so long now, (pretty much 13 years now, he was convinced he was going to die before Nan did, 12 years ago! He was medically retired at 55, really just gave up on life, and worried himself into his armchair…) so I just want him to get on with it, and let us all get on with life.

Which makes me sound oh so horrid, doesn’t it. He cannot be having a good quality of life though, if he was a Dog, we would have put him down ages ago…

As I’m “removed” in relationship, it hasn’t really emotionally effected me yet… I’m on full alert to be Mum’s support throughout. Like with Nan, I suppose I’ll get to cry about it all later…

One thought on “Am I a heartless bitch?”

  1. Nikki, I know exactly what mum is going through, been there! Tell her I’m thinking of her, missing you at nwktog too!

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