I’ve got too much to say, and not enough time!

Note to Self: ‘blogsitpation is not good.

I must rememeber to talk about at length…

  • My SP 6 Final Package (Photography still pending! Whaa!)
  • Shopping with Alex, buying “bling”,
  • Brokeback Mountain/Memoires of a Geisha
  • German Journalists turning up at Angel Knits
  • Just like Heaven
  • RHPS
  • Circus of Horror
  • Being unexpectedly videoed at Angel Knits!
  • That the results of my Ultrasound still show I have PCO (no shock there!), and that my Endometrium is a healthy/normal 5mm, and I also have a Nabothian cyst on my cervix (Totally benign and harmless thing)

Photos I “Owe”, and actually have taken, just not ‘blogged!

Also, for people interested in that sort of thing, I got my Full Horoscope, and made it into a Webpage…

I also know that my WIP page is woefully out of date! I’ve made a hat, wrist warmer and a polo-neck that are not up there, and I’ve started some more wrist warmers in Red Jaegar Natural Fleece, as well as frogging FMB, and started again, with some undyed Pencil Roving, on 12mm DPNs , that I made myself, so I have to talk about all that as well!

MEME: “Seven times Seven”

Ok, So PixelDiva didn’t exactly tag me… but hey, I’m not complaining, will take my mind off of things..

Seven Things to Do Before I Die:

  1. Leave the country for longer than 2 weeks, Visit New Zealand & Amsterdam whilst doing so…
  2. Own property
  3. Find a true partner, that understands my Need for “Roots and Wings”
  4. Learn that being “one of life’s nice guys” normally means that I get hurt a lot…
  5. Learn that I cannot change the above statement…
  6. Learn that Sleep is not an unnecessary luxury
  7. Find Employment that fulfills me, rather than just allows me to pay the rent.

Seven Things I Cannot Do:

  1. Lie (although, “Lying by ommission” is something I’m a master at, as far as family are concerned!)
  2. Not be myself, what ever the situation
  3. Get to bed before midnight
  4. Spell
  5. Maths in my head
  6. Touch my toes
  7. Enjoy Xmas

Seven Things That Attract Me to Blogging

  1. The ability to show off my knitting
  2. Learning more about Accessibility, CSS-P design, RSS & Firefox and otehr web technologies to impliment my own webspace & ‘blog
  3. The “Free Therapy” that ‘blogging seemingly offers
  4. The feedback you get from “Free Therapy”
  5. Leaving a mark on the world
  6. Seeing into other people’s worlds
  7. Giving them feedback on their “Free Therapy”

Seven Things I Say Most Often

  1. Good afternoon, IT, Nikola Speaking.
  2. *shrug* (Yes, I do actually say *shrug*… I know, I’m weird)
  3. It’s/That’s all good!
  4. That’s about as much use as a bucket of frogs!
  5. I’m as *** as a *** thing in a box marked “*** things only in here please! (Inserting appropriate adjective for ***)
  6. Cross my heart and hope to work hard for a living…
  7. Fuck! (and, as so many ‘bloggers before me, all its wonderful derivations!)

Seven Books That I Love

  1. The HitchHikers Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
  2. Secret Garden, Nancy Friday
  3. Women on Top, Nancy Friday
  4. Men on top, Nancy Friday
  5. The Wise wound, Can’t remember!
  6. All Terry Pratchet
  7. Weave World. Clive Barker

Seven Movies That I Watch Over and Over Again

  1. LotR:FotR
  2. LotR:TTT
  3. LotR:RotK
  4. Love Actually
  5. RHPS
  6. A Knight’s Tale
  7. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The TV series (Well, Pix included “The West Wing”!)

Seven People I Want To Join In Too

  1. Greg
  2. Anna
  3. Ruth
  4. Alex
  5. Ryan
  6. You! Random Reader
  7. Oh and You! Other Random Reader!

Hmmm… I knew it was transitional…

I knew that I was Sunday Guy’s “Transitional Gal”, but I think that my wish to not to tie him down to exclusivity has blown up in my face, because:

  • You cannot really ask a guy that you are “just dating” and has just split from his wife for exclusivity, as he is
    1. Still married, and so cannot techincally offer it, and
    2. needs to learn about life again having mentally been in a place that he didn’t want to be for a while…
  • As I generally suq at Monogamy (freedom of expression is where I’m at really… I’m very aware that I don’t believe that anyone can be another’s “100%”), I don’t usually ask for it.

So, 3 wonderful week’s later, and we’ve split. My choice.

I got very paranoid over the weekend, and as per normal, my instincts were bang-on. His “other person”, that I freely let him find his way with wants Monogamy.

So, although she said that she was happy with the situation for the now, she said to him that she would prefer it if he wasn’t sleeping with me as well as her… I’d guessed something was up, because of sudden withdrawl of “all things snugglyness” back end of last week, and the sudden usage of the word “We” in txts about plans and arrangements over the weekend.

If he’s thinking in “we” terms about her already, then it would have ended with her making him choose anyway, and and as I don’t have the strength to deal with possible future doom and the Paranoia of waiting for it right now, I pre-emtively struck and bailed.

It is teh suq, big time! 🙁 I was really enjoying not hurting… But hey, if I can’t have him all, having tasted his sensuality, his soul, and his heart, and all the numminess that goes with it already, I’d just rather not bother and/or get truely destroyed later, you know?

I’m so fed up of being told “You’re perfect… just not quite perfect enough.”

Blergh. I’ve done the right thing, and set him Free to explore where she takes him… If he comes back, all good, if not, well, his mind isn’t in prison anymore, so my work is done anyway.

Maybe, when all is said and done, he was my “Transitional Guy”, the person I needed to prove to me that I am a damn sexy lady… Either way, At least I do know that I have my Mojo back, and that this is just a temporary hiccough.

I think that I’ve come to realise that I although I want someone I care about to have lots of sex with on a regular basis (Because, that is my great mood stabiliser after all), what I actually need is someone to give me “Roots and Wings.”

The Security to know that however high I fly, where ever I go, and how ever far from “Home” I get in my explorations, that “Home” is always there for me, and knows that I will always come back. I think that is how I actually managed Sexual Monogamy with my Ex (for the first time ever in 16 years of “boyfriends”…) He let me chase, flirt, snog and generally have Fet. fun with whomever, knowing that I would always come Home, and that I wasn’t “being unfaithful” in the conventional sence. Trust is a wonderful thing…

All this realisation doesn’t stop it feeling like there’s a hole in my soul though.