It is strange, I totally envy the people that look forward to Family Xmas celebrations.
Even if it holds no significance to me anymore from a relegious standpoint, Xmas is still embedded in my psyche as a day of wonder and joy. And it is so not that anymore. I used to really love Xmas when I was young, and even getting on into my 20’s it was still really special.
It is really only since Nan died in ’95 that things have been getting steadily worse. I now hate Xmas with a passion. My Day goes something like this:
- Go to Granddad’s for Midday.
- Help Mum cook dinner
- Granddad gets back from the pub around 2pm, when he starts to critisise all the fuss that my mum and I are making over dinner, how much washing up we are creating, and genereally moaning at our “stupid women” way of doing stuff.
- We then dish up, he moans through dinner.
- After dinner, we clear, wash up etc and then have to watch Telly. We do this mostly in silence, as Granddad cannot hear very well, and so we are not allowed to talk…
- We sit there until ~10pm, when we are allowed to leave.
- I go home, eat ice-cream and cry.
That Xmas has become this jaded and predictable for me makes me very sad on a whole heap of levels.
This year, I’ve not even done any Xmas shopping, apart from a couple of small things that just leapt up and said “This is for XXX”, and I probably would have bought them as pressies for people anyway. (Cos I’m nice like that…)
I just want it all to go away. 🙁 Not a good thing really. I can’t even escape early this year, as I have no car.